My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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