i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
