just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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