yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
