if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
