nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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