Pants 0. Shit 1.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
