Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
