just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
