just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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