woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to calm my uterus...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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