if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
