This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
