I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So. Much. Porn.
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