even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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