First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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