dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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