The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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