I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
