Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
