also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
