i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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