Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
