Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it's great music for shaving your balls
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize