just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
