What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
