Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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