dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
