my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
