Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
