She said her name was "party"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
