Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
