I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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