Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
