my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
