I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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