my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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