my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
