Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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