I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
