Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
be right there i have to get my cape
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
