Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
