Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't notice because vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
