so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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