i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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