we have pet lesbian snakes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
