I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
