I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Found the puke drawer
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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