The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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