I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
