when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
