Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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