Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
