Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
