Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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