Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
