Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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