The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
