they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
