It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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