Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize