You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
