I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
