Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
