sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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