I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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